I'm not going to type your name and let the world know who you are. But I have a feeling that you are reading this and now is my opportunity to apologize to you.
You have been in my life for the longest time, but we have only been friends for a few years(thanks MySpace). You came into my life when I needed a friend the most. You were honestly the best example of a friend that I've ever had. We would talk everyday and laugh about the dumbest stuff. It's that humor that helped me through a rough time. You may not know this, but you helped me realize that I was hurting myself by the way I was exercising and eating. You snapped me out of my downward spiral. And I never even got to say thank you. I guess part of the reason was that I was embarrassed by the sickness. But you stood by me like you always did. When I think of what it means to be a friend, I think of the night I had my first heart break. You knew how much I was hurt and that I didn't want to talk about it. You promised to kick his butt and egg his house. You talked to me for hours and made me laugh until you knew I would be okay. You reminded me that I would be okay. We talked every day and I loved our friendship. It meant so much to know that you were there for me. But as I found out all to late, you had feelings for me. Me being the oblivious teenage girl I was(and still am), would talk to you about the guys I liked. You would say that they weren't good enough and tell me I deserved better. Now I see the truth in your words. You became so constant in my life. When something new and exciting happened, you were the first person I wanted to tell. There were many jokes between us. It wasn't until four years into our friendship that I realized that you had feelings for me. You always complained that I put you in the "friend zone". For months, I planned this huge surprise for your birthday. I wanted to make you feel as special and appreciated as you had me feel. I even put a secret message in your birthday card(look at the uppercase letters). But I was too late. I liked you, but now all I got was the cold shoulder. If we're being honest, our timing sucks! I cried for the longest time wondering what I did wrong. Why wouldn't you talk to me? Did you hate me? And the truth is that I will probably never know. But I'm okay with that. I've written many songs about you, some in which I shared with you. Like so many times throughout our friendship, we go through spells when we're friends and times that we don't even speak. You tried to reach out to me not that long ago but I kept you at a distance. I know you wonder why I deleted you from my life, and the truth is that I couldn't keep going in the same circle that we always do. I deserve better and you deserve better. I deleted you because seeing your posts on a daily basis made me miss you. I had to be the strong one and cut ties. As much as I tried, I couldn't feel the same way about you that you felt about me. And you deserve a whole heck of a lot better than that. You deserve better and I deserve better. You will always be in my heart, and I will always care for you. And if you needed me, I would be there for you. I feel like you would say the same. I pray that you find someone that truly makes you happy and loves you the way that you love them.
When I heard this song, I couldn't help but be frozen in my tracks. It was everything I wanted to say and felt, but couldn't find the words. I hope one day that you forgive me.
You deserve the best. I pray that you find it.
http://youtu.be/r4-Jb4AeVa0
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