22

"I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22!" Even though I planned on singing this song yesterday, I forgot. I'm not sure what 22 is supposed to feel like, but if it's feeling tired, then I feel 22. If I were to sum up my feelings yesterday in emoji's then this would be the story they told; 📚📖📝📊📈🙏🏼😴📢👀⛈🌪⛈🌧😴☀️🌧😃🎁🚗💊🚗📝📚📖🌧🚗🙏🏼📝⌛️✖️✔️➖➕💲✖️✔️💱❓⁉️⏱🙏🏼👎🏼😐😔😢😩😭❓⁉️😔😢👭🌮🎁🎁🎂😃🚗🛍👖👚👗🚗🌽🍞🍲🍰🎁🎁💭😔❓🙍🏻📱📄😢😊🙏🏼👍🏻😊🎁🍰🖥🙏🏼😴☀️🍰📱📄❓⁉️😬😊.

From 12am yesterday to 10:00am this morning, it has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I waited and waited for my GED Math test accommodations to come through and still nothing. I scheduled the test with out them and prayed that God would continue to pull me through. 12am November 18th and I am still studying the last chapter of my book. Just when I decide to get rest, a tornado warning puts us all on alert. Finally at about 5am I decide to get rest. 7:30 I wake up and go to my behavioral health appointment. There, my doctor tells me how proud of myself that I should be for accomplishing everything that I have in the year since I was put on medication for my ADD. I then study some more and pray for God to continue to lead my steps as I take the test, even without the 30 or so extra minutes my mind needed to process the math problems. And then it began.

Up until the last 30 minutes of the test, I was okay. It took longer to process the problems on the screen and before I knew it, I had six questions left to answer and only 1 minute. I did my best to figure out the answers and that was it. I was out of time. I sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes praying and reflecting. Why did my brain not process information like everybody else? Why did I feel like a failure? Why did I spend those short times talking the last few weeks when I could have gotten that little bit more studying done? Why did I always feel like I was being pulled in so many directions all of the time? While I continued to feel down about myself, and asking why, God waited patiently. Then He gently reminded me.

He created every part of me and He makes no mistakes. My brain is another part of His creation and He wired it differently because He wants me to see and process things differently.

I am not a failure. Failure means giving up and not trying again. I failed my own expectations because I put to much pressure on myself and continually take back what I Keep giving to Him.

Those few moments spent talking when I could have been studying weren't without purpose. I listened to a broken heart, a discouraged soul and tried to show them the very same love that I've been shown. It wasn't time wasted. It was purposeful.

I finally decided to move on with the rest of my day and look for the sun in the dreary weather that surrounded me. 3pm rolled around and the test results were in. 143 in bold red appeared in front of me. I sat there for 5 minutes dreading to tell everyone that I failed. 7 points kept me from moving on to the next step of my life. With a shaky voice and tears, I told everyone that has been cheering me on the news.

Then everything came full circle. Their reactions of love, support and encouragement wrapped around me and reminded me that I am loved and God is in control. This time I was the one in need. My friends and family dropped everything going on in their busy lives to show me they supported me and remind me that even though I may fail, I am still loved.

Last night while still reminding myself that God didn't carry me through the oceans in my life just to let me drowned in shallow water, a friend shared her testimony of a recent near death experience and realizing how much God loves her and that He will carry her through everything that she struggles with and even though she's failed a few times in life, that He always gives her a new start.

I cried. God reminded me yet again that He is always right on time and no time is ever wasted when you show someone His love, because it just might save their life.

I had two tests yesterday. I may have failed my math test, but God's test was more important and His love and encouragement that I feel from Him and those He places in my life, mean more to me than you will ever know. Thank you for your love and support and for reminding me of my purpose.

Even though I have been challenged in many ways about going to school in Auburn, I won't let the devil change the plans that God has for my life. I plan on taking my test again soon. My accommodations for extra time came through this morning at 10:00am. God is always on time.

Here's to 22 and second chances.