Gather in Jesus' name

Not too long ago I had an older man ask me where I went to church. When I replied that I didn't go to a church building, he frowned at me and said I needed to get into church and get my life right. He then invited me to his church. 

I will admit, that it was disappointing for him to automatically assume that by me not going to a "church building" like he did, that I wasn't living my life right. He didn't know the relationship I have with God or allow me to explain what I meant before he disapproved.

When I was younger I went to a church building every Sunday and in recent years, I have visited a few church buildings. What the man didn't allow me to explain is that the modern definition of church emphasizes the organization, the building, and large group worship. The biblical definition of church is the body of Christ. Wherever two or more, gather in Jesus’ name, that is the church.

God and I have conversations all throughout the day. Most times I talk, but here lately I have been listening. I have conversations about God and His word, with friends, family and sometimes strangers. I take God's word scripture by scripture and try and figure out how to apply it to my life and put it to action. I ask God every day to show me things that I wouldn't normally see and to guide my steps.

For awhile, I worried what people thought of me because I didn't go to a church building. Then I realized that as long as God knows my heart and knows that I meet with Him every day, that is all that matters. Going to a church building is great! But what really counts is us allowing God to be in our everyday lives and us meeting with Him daily. Not us just acknowledging Him on Sunday, Wednesday or Thursday. But us allowing Him to be a part of our daily lives and allowing Him to work through us.

How other people view you isn't as important as how God views you. So many times I have seen people hide who they are and what they do from their parents, family and church family, for fear of letting them down or hurting them. But the most important thing that they forget is that God sees all and His opinion trumps all others. He knows every single breath we take. And most important of all, He knows the intentions of our heart.

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." - Matthew 18:20

And well, I just like talking to everybody! :) 

16 facts about Mvskoke People.

Now that Thanksgiving has come to a close, I would like to share some things that you may not know about Mvskoke (Creek Indians).

1. The Poarch Band of Creek Indians started off as 7 family's that migrated from the Wetumpka area to what is now Baldwin county. From there, some migrated and settled into what is now Poarch.

2. Traditionally, our Tribal Council when making decisions are to keep in mind the 7 generations past and the 7 generations to come.

3. We did not live in tipi's. We lived in homes made of logs and clay.

4. The finger-woven belts that are worn were traditionally worn to hold up our wrap skirts.

5. The China berries that we use for our jewelry is something that is only native to Poarch Creek Indians.

6. Mvskoke women only wore their hair down in time of mourning or during a wedding. Traditionally it was always kept in a bun to keep it out of their face and their work. When I see a woman in traditional clothing wearing her hair down, I automatically think that she must be in morning.

7. We were not beading people. Our jewelry pieces consisted of copper, pearls, few beads, China berries, German silver, shell carved gorgets, and trade beads.

8. When one person was done with their work, they helped others in the community to get their work done. Because helping each other out is who we are and it was beneficial to the community as a whole.

9. Three of the main important crops to our people were "The Three Sisters". Corn, beans and squash.

10. Green Corn our peoples New Years. It is called "Posketv", which means "to fast". It is where old things are done away with, new things are made, medicine is taken, prayers are said, dancing, celebration and a time of forgiveness.

11. Clan membership was determined by the child's mother. The fathers clan was respected but he had little role in his child's upbringing. It was the men of the mothers clan that saw to the child's development.

12. Before marriage, a man had to prove himself to be an able provider. Such as planting and harvesting a crop, bringing her a supply of game and providing her with a house. 

13. All of which is now know as Georgia and Alabama, used to belong to the Mvskoke people.

14. We survived and depended on 'community' and the cooperation of all of our people working together for the better of us as a whole.

15. Mvskoke people were deeply respectful of the natural environment.

16. Our language is sadly a dying language. There are very few fluent speakers left and it is up to each individual Mvskoke person to be proactive in learning the language of their people and teaching their children and so on so it will still be around for generations to come.

Day #21 If I had a reality show

21)   How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

For awhile there, I was pretty clumsy and my life was very dramatic. A friend once suggested that a tv crew should follow me around.

I would pitch it to Hallmark. It would be about a young woman that is trying to find out who she is and where her place is in this world. A young woman who tries to make a difference everywhere she goes. Someone who's made her fair share of mistakes but is learning the lessons from those mistakes. She took the long way around to get to where she was going, but she uses it as part of her testimony. She's living and learning. Her mission in life is to make people smile.

Day #20 Worst heart break

20)   Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it.

To have a breakup, you would have technically had to date someone. I've never dated anyone. But I've had my heart broken twice. The first break hurt. I cried, got angry, lived in denial, then I accepted it for what it was and what it wasn't.

The second heart break was the worst. I think that it hurt worst because he was my best friend. He helped me through the first heart break and was constant in my life. I relied on him and he relied on me. We talked about our dreams, our fears, the scars that made us who we are. I didn't realize what he meant to me until he wasn't there anymore. When I realized what he meant to me, that's when it hurt the worst. It took me 7 years to realize what he meant to me. And three to see it for what it was and what it wasn't.

I know now that those people aren't who God has meant for me. They were a chapter in my life that taught me many things. I thank God for the friendships, that laughter, the lessons and the heart breaks. They all served a purpose in my life. And for that, I'm thankful.

Day #19 You'd be surprised to know that...

19)   What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

I'm not sure if there is anything that I haven't shared with people. 

But, one thing would be that when I was younger, I was ashamed to be Native American. I would over hear people talking about tribal people that were on drugs, drank all of the time, didn't take care of their children. Anything negative, I overheard it in public. It was never positive.

In my mind as a child, I thought that if people knew I was Native American, that they would think I would be just like those people that they described and gossiped about. And I believed that for a short while. Then God showed me that the reason that those people believed that was who we were as Native Americans, was because that was all they saw and heard. He showed me that I had to help be part of the change. I should be proud of who I was as a Native American and put myself out there and be a positive representation of my people. I had to change their minds.

That next year, I ran for princess for my Tribe and the rest is history. It taught me how to be a positive representative of my people and a role model. I strive to change the stereotype that people have in their mind of Native Americans. I am proud of my heritage! Never again, will I be ashamed.

Day #18 Letter to myself in High-school

18)   If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

What I'm about to say may sound crazy now, but please believe me.

I know that you feel down thinking that nobody understands you, but you're wrong. Keep writing what's in your heart. Not every guy you meet will have your best interest at heart. Sometimes they really care and sometimes they just mess things up. But talk to them anyway. Love the moment that you're in. They will break your heart and it will hurt, but you will be fine. They weren't meant for you. Forgive them, pray for them and move on. They inspired you to write beautiful songs and all was not lost. Run for princess. When you do, it will bring you closer to God. You will meet some amazing people and see some beautiful things. The friendships that you create, cherish them and hold them close to your heart. There is more that I could say, but just know that God is with you every step of the way. Don't be afraid. You will end up exactly where you are supposed to be. Everything serves a purpose. And most of all, remember that You Are Loved.

Day #17 My beliefs are the core of my relationships

17)   What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

I believe in God and I believe that He sent His only Son Jesus, to this earth to die on the cross for our sins. It's as simple as that.

How does what I believe impact my relationship status?

I know that God created me and He knows every step I will ever take on this earth. I know that as one of His children, He wants what is best for me. I believe that He created someone who is meant for me. I pray every night for that person.

How does my spiritual beliefs impact the relationships that I have with people in my life?

I know that if it wasn't for God leading me, many of those people wouldn't be in my life now.

I pray that He helps me to understand them better, to see things from their point of view. 

Day #16 Time Capsule

16)   If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

Hopes and dreams. I would put some songs that I've wrote this year, a letter to myself, a USB of my music library, a letter to my future husband, my Kellie Pickler red high heel keychain, my bucket list, a teal ribbon, old concert tickets and many other things.

Day #14 I am happiest when....

14)   Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful.

That's easy, just a few moments ago when I was preparing for a kindness project.

I am my happiest when I know that something I did is going to make someone smile.

If we have the ability to make someone smile, shouldn't we?

After all, wouldn't we want someone to do the same for us if presented with the opportunity?

Day #13 She is irreplaceable

13)   Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship.

The last person that I texted wished for me to be in this world with them. Isn't that a great feeling to know that before you were even born, someone threw coins in a fountain and wished for you?

The last person I texted was my sister. She wanted to know if she should buy shoes online or should she try them on in the store. It may be 1:20am, but this is the kind of conversations that we have.

She is my best friend and one of my missions in life is for her to see herself the way that I see her and for her to see how truly strong, beautiful and amazing that she is. She deserves so much more than she even realizes. 

I love her so much. And if I was to have been born before her, I would have thrown coins in a fountain wishing for her, just as she wished for me.

Day #12 Let your light shine

12)   Your proudest accomplishment.

It would be when I got up in front of a room full of people and sang a song I wrote.

It is on my bucket list and I am glad that I could check it off.

I was nervous and shaking. But I prayed for God to give me the strength and He did.

When I get nervous, I remember getting up on stage and praying for God to shine through me and I'm okay. He is always there helping and guiding us along.

Day #11 Was that a date?

11)   Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date.

Technically, I have never been on a date. It was never called that. The guy just asked me to the movies and I went.

I wasn't old enough to drive so my sister drove me to the theater and stayed.

The whole time, the guy tried to hold my hand and I kept giggling and moved my hand. It was just weird to me.

The other almost date. The guy showed up at my house, ate a whole bowl of candy that I had at my house. He wanted to watch a scary movie. He got scared, I didn't. My mother and father were in the living room as well and my father fell asleep and started snoring.

Then I had to follow the guy home to make sure he made it, because his mothers car wasn't driving well.

I am still waiting for a nice guy to ask me out on a proper date.

Day #10 BCA

10)   Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you.

My name means

Beautiful

Athletic

Son of Adam.

I'm not sure how I feel about the meaning of my first name. I've never thought of my self as a beautiful person. A beautiful heart? I try. But that's the only beauty that matters to me.

Athletic, I've never been athletic. Never liked to break a sweat. Partly because I don't sweat like I'm supposed to and I end up overheating because my body can't cool down normally.

I'm a girl. So the last doesn't fit either

Day #9 It may be weird, but I love it!

9)      Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do.

I live with my parents and sister. But something weird that I like to do is record TimeLife music commercials and sing along to the clips of songs that they play.

It makes me happy.

Luckily for me, my sister loves to do the same thing.

We make it a dance/sing along 

Day #8 Top Five

8)      Five things that are most important to you in a future mate.

1. It is important that he has a relationship with God.

2.We should have meaningful conversations.

3.Sense of humor, but know when to stop a joke.

4.He must instill good Godly values in our children.

5.He should be compassionate.

Day #7 Where I am vs Where I thought I'd Be

7)      Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point.

A few years ago, I thought I knew exactly how my life would be right now. But I was wrong.

I imagined that I would be in college at the University of Alabama, I would have a boyfriend and have already auditioned for American Idol. That hasn't happened. None of it.

I am currently working on my GED, just been diagnosed as ADD, I plan on attending Auburn University in 2 years, I have never had a boyfriend and I haven't tried out for American Idol.

When I was younger, I thought people that were 20 had everything figured out. But now I am here at almost 21 and I don't have life figured out. I just now found out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I am still working on me.

The timeline that I had for my life was a lot different than the one that God had for my life.

I am so thankful that God's plans are always better than mine. 

Day #6 We Have What We Accept

6)      Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

I guess it is true. I mean, think about it. We have exactly what we accept from others, from love, from the world. But I am still conflicted on this question.

Ask me again in a month and I may have a different answer.

Day #5 Single Isn't Lonely

5)    The biggest misconception you think people have about single life.

I guess the biggest misconception would be that single is lonely.

I don't think "lonely" is the right word though. I think it is just longing. You hear a friend tell you how sweet her boyfriend is or you see a couple holding hands and laughing and you long for the same thing.

For awhile, I thought it was lonely, but now, I see it as dreaming of the day when you can experience those things. I look at being single, as a time to grow. It's a time to get to know who I am as a person and what I need out of life. It's a time for me to see why I'm scared of certain things and face those fears.

Being single is a time to grow. It's not lonely.

Day #4 Biggest Fear

4)      Your biggest fear as a single person.

Sometimes I worry that I am too picky(as some like to call it). I worry that I am being too stubborn on my definition of what a husband should be.

I worry that I may have already met that person and I disregarded them because they didn't fit my standards. I worry that I've met them and my fear of rejection is keeping us apart, because I'm afraid of how it will all turn out if I make the first move. I worry that I won't know how to have a relationship with someone. I worry that I will never meet that person. I also worry that I will fall in love with someone, but they won't love me.

Don't we all have the same fear? Being alone.

Day#3 Single is Great

3)      Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

I guess that I could say being single is awesome every day that I learn something new about myself, when I can make plans without consulting with someone first and when I can do what ever I want to do and not have to worry about someone's feelings. 

Day #2 Sometimes Being Single Sucks

"The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge"

2) Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

I would have to say that most recently, it was a Brad Paisley concert that I attended. A friend at the time picked the concert. It was her, her husband, my sister and I. The day was pretty great. But then as the concert began, my sister and I realized that it was a couples concert. It was awkward. Everyone was holding hands and dancing to the love songs and I was just ready to be home.

But I guess those awkward moments will make me just appreciate it all that much more when I do meet someone.

The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day #1

I told myself before the year began, that this would be the year that my life changed and that I would be as open and honest as possible.

I accept the challenge given by Mandy Hale(The Single Woman), to do"The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge".

Day #1

1) Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

Well, sarcastically, my response is "It's hard to juggle a school, life and a boyfriend, when I'm hitting the poles every night." But honestly, I'm not a stripper. But I can only imagine the looks I would get if that was my actual response. My honest answer as to why I'm still single is that I am still waiting on God. I gave my heart to Him and I am trusting Him to take care of it and help it find the right person. 

It's hard at times, it gets lonely and I wish I had someone to watch movies with and hold my hand. But that will happen in God's timing. Though, I often wonder if my fear of telling someone how I feel, is keeping me in limbo and its up to me to say "Hey, I like you. You want to give this a shot or not?". 

But until then, I am single because I deserve the best person for me. Someone who compliments who I am and for me to compliment their life. We should bring out the best in each other and until I feel those butterflies, see fireworks, hear a choir sing and lose my footing, I'm okay with being a Single Woman.

You Are Special

Sometimes we all need a little reminder of our worth and purpose in life.
You are pretty special. Did you know that? God, has a purpose for your life. Every step that you've taken, every mistake and everything that you've been through, is for a reason. It all has a purpose. It is your testimony and you can use it to help others.

Often in life, we have things that happen and constantly think about the 'what if's'. What if I had done this?, what if I had been there?, what if I had said this?, what if it had been me? Those what ifs can haunt you into oblivion. But they are worthless. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason and that those things that we prayed for and never got, are just blessings in disguise. It's God's way of saying "Hey, I know you really want this, but I've got something so much better in mind. I know that the waiting hurts now, but trust me, it will be worth it.". Put those 'What ifs?' out of your head and Trust God. Don't beat yourself up over the things that you can't change.

You may look at other peoples lives and see that they have everything you've ever wanted and wonder what you're doing wrong. The answer is that you are doing nothing wrong. We all have different timelines in life. God's timing. And maybe your life story is so special that it is taking God more time to work on it than it did on others. Don't doubt your self worth. Don't doubt where you are. Everybody has to start somewhere.
Don't give up chasing your dreams because you are scared. Don't choose a path because it is comfortable. Age is just a number, and it is never too late to start right where you are. You deserve to chase your dreams and you deserve to be happy. Take a chance. Because in the big aspect of things, what do you have to lose?

Don't doubt your purpose and don't doubt the greatness that is within you.

The person that you are forgetting to forgive

  Number 10 on my bucket list is 'Make Amends'. I put it on there because I know how import it is to make amends with your past. It is very important to forgive. It's easy to hold on to things from the past, and at times you feel like you have a good reason for holding on to it. Maybe that person hurt you, or maybe you're holding on to bad memories.

I have always been taught that you have to forgive others and give it to God. When you forgive and let it go, you are allowing God to work in that persons life and clean them up.

So why is it so hard to forgive your self? Don't you deserve to be free of the past, the hurt, the reminders? Don't you think that you should allow God to close those doors in your life and open the doors to new possibilities, new life? The person that you should forgive the most is yourself.

So you made mistakes. But didn't you learn from them, learn what not to do the next time. God allows things to happen in our life. He gave us all free will. When we make mistakes, God is right there to help pick us back up again. But all too often, we miss the lesson and we end up making the same mistakes again.

I have started looking back at things in my past and my life and asking "Now God, what were you trying to show me? What was I supposed to be learning?".
God can use our mistakes to teach us lessons. It may hurt looking back. And it may break us down. But God will use those mistake and lessons and build you up into the person you were meant to be. God can use those mistakes you made and your past to help others. It is your testimony. Own it!

The person most people forget to forgive is their self. Forgive yourself for the things you did and the past you can't change. Be free.

You deserve Forgiveness.

On the bright side of life

Often times when things happen in life, it can't help but break your heart. Why does bad things happen to such wonderful God fearing people? Why must people go through terrible things in life?

But I've learned that the story isn't in the pain,
The story is in how the person lives through the pain and enjoys all life has to offer while going through such a trying time.
 That is how we are supposed to live. We are supposed to look on the bright side of life and never let things keep us down for long. We are to live in such a way that we inspire people.

 I have truly been inspired by people in my lifetime. I have been inspired by their strength and their faith that God is in control.

Don't take for granted each moment in life. Make the most of the time you have with your loved ones.

You’re Better Than a Good Day

As many of you know from reading my past entries, I am making amends with my past. It has been a long process and it wouldn't be complete without what I'm about say.

I'm not going to type your name and let the world know who you are. But I have a feeling that you are reading this and now is my opportunity to apologize to you.

You have been in my life for the longest time, but we have only been friends for a few years(thanks MySpace). You  came into my life when I needed a friend the most. You were honestly the best example of a friend that I've ever had. We would talk everyday and laugh about the dumbest stuff. It's that humor that helped me through a rough time. You may not know this, but you helped me realize that I was hurting myself by the way I was exercising and eating. You snapped me out of my downward spiral. And I never even got to say thank you. I guess part of the reason was that I was embarrassed by the sickness. But you stood by me like you always did. When I think of what it means to be a friend, I think of the night I had my first heart break. You knew how much I was hurt and that I didn't want to talk about it. You promised to kick his butt and egg his house. You talked to me for hours and made me laugh until you knew I would be okay. You reminded me that I would be okay. We talked every day and I loved our friendship. It meant so much to know that you were there for me. But as I found out all to late, you had feelings for me. Me being the oblivious teenage girl I was(and still am), would talk to you about the guys I liked. You would say that they weren't good enough and tell me I deserved better. Now I see the truth in your words. You became so constant in my life. When something new and exciting happened, you were the first person I wanted to tell. There were many jokes between us. It wasn't until four years into our friendship that I realized that you had feelings for me. You always complained that I put you in the "friend zone". For months, I planned this huge surprise for your birthday. I wanted to make you feel as special and appreciated as you had me feel. I even put a secret message in your birthday card(look at the uppercase letters). But I was too late. I liked you, but now all I got was the cold shoulder. If we're being honest, our timing sucks! I cried for the longest time wondering what I did wrong. Why wouldn't you talk to me? Did you hate me? And the truth is that I will probably never know. But I'm okay with that. I've written many songs about you, some in which I shared with you. Like so many times throughout our friendship, we go through spells when we're friends and times that we don't even speak. You tried to reach out to me not that long ago but I kept you at a distance. I know you wonder why I deleted you from my life, and the truth is that I couldn't keep going in the same circle that we always do. I deserve better and you deserve better. I deleted you because seeing your  posts on a daily basis made me miss you. I had to be the strong one and cut ties. As much as I tried, I couldn't feel the same way about you that you felt about me. And you deserve a whole heck of a lot better than that. You deserve better and I deserve better. You will always be in my heart, and I will always care for you. And if you needed me, I would be there for you. I feel like you would say the same. I pray that you find someone that truly makes you happy and loves you the way that you love them.

When I heard this song, I couldn't help but be frozen in my tracks. It was everything I wanted to say and felt, but couldn't find the words. I hope one day that you forgive me.
You deserve the best. I pray that you find it.
http://youtu.be/r4-Jb4AeVa0

Accept who you are

At this point in my life I am learning acceptance. Acceptance of my past, things I can't change, who I am and who I am becoming. It's the easiest and hardest thing that I've ever done.

Last night I couldn't go to sleep. I laid in the bed talking to God about everything in my heart.
We talked about all of my past relationships and how I see how everything played out now that I'm older.
We agreed on the lessons behind those relationships and the reasons for the actions of each person in the relationship at the time. I made peace with the reasons and let go of the hurt.

I apologized to the girl I used to be. I apologized for not guarding her heart better. For not standing up for her. I accepted the burden and truth of those that I've been rude to and hurt. I accepted that I've tried to control most of my life and apologized to God for not trusting Him with my life sooner. I accepted everything in my past and the roads that I've taken.
And then I let it go.
I accepted everything about my past and who I was and then I let it go and gave it to God.

If there was ever a time in my life that I could look back on and realize that I was changing, it would be now. The past two months, God has really been working on me and it's the first time that I actually feel like an adult. Up until this point, I've always felt like a child in a giants body. But now that's changed.

Taking Back the Songs

At least everyone has a song that they can't listen to anymore because it reminds them of a past relationship. Unfortunately for me, I have many songs that remind me the past. Don't get me wrong, I love the songs, but I often find myself taken by surprise when they come on the radio, so I immediately change the station. Then I drive for awhile while thoughts of the past consume me. And I'm tired of it. So I'm taking back the songs. I have recently decided I'm tired of not listening to songs anymore because they bring back painful memories. I'm taking them back.

The first song I took back was "The Good Stuff" by Kenny Chesney. The song reminds me of the first boy to break my heart. After walking around a baseball park and talking about life for a good hour, we walked to his car, he opened the door and I got in. He scanned the radio passing all of the songs I loved and stopped on "The Good Stuff". He then started to sing the song to me. When I got home, I was on cloud nine. But then as teenage love goes, he faded away. He was the first boy to break my heart and I still find it difficult to listen to the song. But now when the song comes on I remember the relationship for what it was, a learning experience. And sometimes I actually sing along. The first time i sang along to it was at a Kenny Chesney concert. If you think a song bothers you when it's on the radio, just wait until you hear it live! I cried and wiped tears as I sang along. But I made it through. I survived. I took the song back.

I tend to associate people and moments with songs way to often in my life. I am slowly taking them back. And it feels great.

Trust with all your heart

In today's society and standards, most would say that I have an unrealistic expectation of love. I have had people tell me that I probably won't find someone that doesn't have kids, who's never been married, and who loves God. And I agree. I probably will never find someone like that. And the reason for that being that I'm not looking. I gave my whole heart to God a long time ago and I trust Him with it. I trust that He knows me best and He will find someone for me. Not I, but Him. And it is truly comforting. God knows the perfect person for me and He knows the moment we will recognize that we have finally found each other. I trust in God that that will happen. I have faith.

On the subject of my idea of love being unrealistic, I have to disagree. God tells us of the love He wants us to have. He put it in scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4–8).
I believe that love will find you when you least expect it. I have faith in God and I trust His choosing. You just have to be patient.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Searching for that perfect word

I have always been one to have strange analogies about things. I understand things differently than most. I guess that I've always been that way..

A few years ago, the analogy of love being like a word search puzzle came to me.
Here it is.

Love is like a word search puzzle. You are looking for that perfect word. And each time you scan the page, you get a little bit closer. First you find the first two letters, you keep looking around those first two letters trying to make a connection with the rest of the word, but it doesn't work. It's got two letters you need but it's not the perfect word. Once you give up on the two letters you found, you see four letters of the word you need and they were close to the last two you found. You keep trying to connect those four letters in every direction you can think of but it never works out. And you get frustrated and by this point you want to give up. But then, when you thought it was hopeless, there it is, the perfect word. It was close to all of those almost perfect words. It took finding those almost perfect words to lead you to the perfect word.
Love is the same way. While on our search for the one that God has for us in this world, we often find something similar to what we want. But don't be deceived by the similarity. Just because that person has some of the qualities that you are looking for, doesn't mean that you should stop searching. It does mean that you are closer. But don't overlook the bad of that person just because they have a few of the qualities that you were looking for. You will find them. And each time you get your heart broken, it just means that you are that much more closer to finding the one God intended for your heart. That perfect word is out there. Don't give up!

Right where I need to be

It's hard admitting that you've failed. But you only truly fail when you don't get back up and try again.

I've recently enrolled in classes to get my GED. Now I was supposed to graduate in 2012, but life got in the way. And I accept responsibility for not being in college yet.

It's hard starting over. And given the fact that the last time I stepped foot in an actual class room was when I was in 2nd grade, you can see why I'm nervous. But starting over is never easy. It's going to take a lot of hard work and prayers. But I know that God is beside me each step of the way.

Throughout my life, there have been many different careers that I've considered.
I thought about being a singer, but that's hard to do when your voice doesn't sound like Mariah Carey and you have a slight case of stage fright.

I considered a fashion designer. But God tested me on that and we both decided that I love to sew, but it's not something that I want to do full time.

Being a songwriter has been a dream of mine since the age of 10 when I wrote my first song. It's a gift that God has given me and I know it's for a reason and purpose. And I know that when the time is right that God will open that door for me. But I agree that I'm not quite ready to walk through that door.

In 2010, I decided I wanted to be a cultural educator. It was even written in the paper during an interview that I gave. It's something that's in my heart and something that I really had thought would be my career path. It was after all the whole reason that I came out of my shell and started to find out who I was as a person. God tested me on this as well and as much as I love teaching and learning my culture, it's just not what's in my heart to do. I clung to that career path because of the connection that I have to it. It was after all the whole reason that I began to find myself. But God has other plans in mind.

I've always heard that God prepares you for things that are to come. I've prayed and prayed, begging God to show me what it is that I am to do with my life. Finally it hit me to look back on what He has shown me my whole life, what He has been preparing me for. As I looked back on my life I saw that He has always been preparing me to be a care taker, to help heal people, to bring a smile to those in pain and to make a difference in this world. He has been preparing me to be a nurse. After He revealed this to me last week, I recalled all of the times that people have told me how great of a nurse I would be and how I had the natural ability to care for others.

I know it's going to be a long road and I know I could have made the road a lot shorter if I hadn't have taken the long way around. But I believe that I went the long way around for a reason and that God will help me to use it as part of my testimony. After all, He is the one in control.

I may not be where I want to be in life, but I've always been right where God wants me to be.
Prayers for me during this journey would  be appreciated.

Hi, my name is Breiah. I will be your tour guide today.

Last week I was asked if I wanted to work at the "Southeastern Indian Festival" for my Tribe. I said yes and the more I thought about it, I half heartedly hoped that they would have more than enough workers and I wouldn't be needed. That didn't happen and I realized it would be a great experience for me.

Yesterday I found out that I, along with many others were to be a tour guide for the students during their field trip. This scared me quite a bit. How many kids? What am I to say? I need to brush up on my history. I was pretty much freaking out thinking that I would do horrible as a tour guide.

8:00am the tour guides are standing at the gates holding signs with the name of our grades on it. I had the fourth grade group. I didn't think it would be but maybe about 20 kids at most. Wrong! I had 4 teachers and 84 children! The whole time I am freaking out inside afraid that I will mess up and get their lunch time wrong, or they wouldn't learn anything or that they would be bored.
Boy, was I wrong! I prayed for God to guide me, and that is exactly what He did.

At one point, I got scared when the 84 kids started lining up in front of me and looking at me. Then I realized that it was "follow the leader" and I was that leader.
They danced, learned many new things, got their lunch on time, made a craft and were on their busses with ten minutes to spare.

1,000 or so kids came through the gates today. 1,000 more will come tomorrow. The teachers remained calm and we made it through!

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

Take a chance already!

I tend to be shy around those I don't know. And sometimes having a conversation with someone I don't know can make me nervous because I'm afraid I will say something dumb.
So you can imagine that the nervousness and the fear, gets really strong when it comes to talking to a guy I like.
Tongue tied, jitters and red faced is the look I wear at these times. It's because of this that I often don't say what I want to.

I finally got to meet this guy that I've been friends with online for awhile. He is super sweet, kind and he actually remembered me. We had a short conversation. But when I went to talk, I didn't say nearly everything I wanted to. And then he had to go. The next day I wanted to walk up and speak to him. But the fear and "what if's" kept me from doing so. "What if he's busy? I will just be bothering him. He's probably just really nice to everyone he talks to. He is way out of my league."

Then Saturday came to an end and my chances to speak to him were gone. And unless The Lord ever wants our paths to cross again, I may not see him again. This is one of those moments that I wish I were brave, courageous, took a chance and let the pieces fall where they may.

This is definitely the scene from the movie "Sleepover" where Julie thinks Steve is out of her league and she doesn't think she has a chance with him. But in the end, he got on stage and asked her to dance. But that's just in the movies.

I need to work on being braver and taking more chances. I guess posting this is taking a chance.

Who do you think I am?

Every day we go on our Facebook pages and update. We share, photo's, places we go, things we do, thoughts and many other things. But rarely do we think of what our pages tell others about us. Who do they think you are by just looking at your page?

Recently, I have pondered this thought. What does my page say about me? When someone goes on my page, who do they think I am? So I went back through the highlights of my Facebook page. And besides my "About Me",this is what I found

God is very important to me. I have shared times God has brought me through stuff, things he has shown and taught me. And I have shared my testimony.

Family is important to me as well. We may not get together as much as we should. And we may be separated by miles or county's. But it's good to know that there are people out there that love and care for you. And share the same crazy genetics as you.

I love to make things. Maybe a little to much. But still, I love to be crafty and make something beautiful out of something simple. I love to share the things I create on my page.

I am Native American(Mvskoke). I love to rock my moccasins( shoes, not snakes), sit around and make baskets. And there were those two awesome years that I was a princess for my tribe and those times changed my life in so many ways.

I post crazy/humorous things. Mostly because I love to make people laugh and you never know when someone is feeling down or has had a bad day and needs a laugh. Sometimes people don't understand my humor. And that's okay to.

I quite possibly have an obsession with going to concerts. And I don't think there is a cure. But I'm okay with that.

I love to write. I write what God gives me. I also write songs. And sometimes I share those songs on my page. It takes a lot for me to post them. I tend to be very critical of what others might think about them.

And the last thing I noticed is that once in a while, I do something unexpected and adventurous that makes people wonder if they really know all there is to know about me.

I love to write songs. When I can't figure stuff out all I have to do is write. And also I like to write from stories other people tell me and I hear.

(Verse1)
They say history just repeats itself,
Well you know it's true....
She's just gonna turn around,
And do the same things to you.....
Again....

You thought she had changed her ways..,
And was the girl you loved before...
But she fooled you with everything..,
You don't know who she is,anymore..

(Chorus Intro)
Why do we let people...,
Walk in and out of our door?

(Chorus)
Do we do it because we're weak?,
Do we hope that people change?,
Do we do it because we miss what we once had?....
Why do we give a hundred chances..,
So sure that we can fix it...,
It seems fine for awhile,but never lasts....
If history just repeats itself,
I must be wasting my time.....

(Verse2)
You open the door,and pull out a chair..,
But still her nose is so high in the air...,
That if it rains she might drowned...

She says she loves you in every way,
With you she'll always stay...,
Then she's never around.....

(Chorus Intro)
Aren't you tired of her,
Always letting you down?

(Chorus)
Do we do it because we're weak?,
Do we hope that people change?,
Do we do it because we miss what we once had?....
Why do we give a hundred chances..,
So sure that we can fix it...,
It seems fine for awhile,but never lasts....
If history just repeats itself,
I must be wasting my time.....

She promises she's changed her ways..,
And that with her it's better days...,
Seals it with a kiss.....
But deep inside you know..,
That's just another lie from her lips...

(Chorus)
Do we do it because we're weak?,
Do we hope that people change?,
Do we do it because we miss what we once had?....
Why do we give a hundred chances..,
So sure that we can fix it...,
It seems fine for awhile,but never lasts....
If history just repeats itself,
I must be wasting my time.....

You said if "History just repeats itself,
I must be wasting my time..."

Single for life?

Be honest, sometimes the thought crosses your mind, "Am I destined to be single? Does The Lord, not have someone out there for me?". It crosses my mind. But then I remind myself of the conclusion that came to me a little while ago. God has someone out there for me. And I can be sure that he is out there, because I trust God. I also know that as much as I pray for God to put him in my life, that I need to pray for him. I need to pray for his health, heart, and most importantly, his relationship with God. I also know that I may not be in the place God wants me to be yet and that's why this person isn't in my life. So every day I feel like I'm destined to stay single my whole life, I just remind myself he is out there, better myself and trust God.

But then again, I never forwarded those chain emails a few years ago.... 😧

Until the day I meet "him", here is a song I wrote for him.


"My Prayer For You"

(Verse1)
I hope you find everything that you've ever dreamed of,
I hope you find the light of your life.
I hope your heart is fuller than the ocean,
And you count your blessings like the stars at night..
I pray that you find strength when the road gets a little bumpy,
I pray that your faith only grows.
I hope you see the beauty in every storm,
And I hope you know...

(Chorus)
Sometimes life may knock you down,
But get back up again.
Cling tight to the truth,
Remember that God is your best friend..
I pray that goodbyes make you stronger,
I hope you always know,
That somebody's praying for you and,
You're loved more than you'll ever know.

(Verse2)
I hope you always believe in your dreams,
I hope you always believe in yourself.
I pray that wherever this road takes you,
That God surrounds you with His angels..
I hope you see the lesson in every mistake,
I hope you inspire wherever you go.
I pray that your light shines through the darkest days,
And I hope you know.

(Chorus)
Sometimes life may knock you down,
But get back up again.
Cling tight to the truth,
Remember that God is your best friend..
I pray that goodbyes make you stronger,
I hope you always know,
That somebody's praying for you and,
You're loved more than you'll ever know.

You're not getting any younger

Maybe there is a book I forgot to read. Or maybe some chart that never graced my eyes about when a person should date, get married and have children.
Here lately I find myself dreading going to gatherings where I will see family and friends. Being twenty years old and still living with my parents is apparently unacceptable to some people. The main questions I am always asked are; "Are you in school?", "Where do you work?", "Do you want children?" "You need a man, honey.".
Why does having a boyfriend, a job, or children, make me more or less of a person. Can't I just find myself and be that for a little while?
The next person that asks me any of those questions will be hit sarcastically with "It's hard to juggle a boyfriend and school when I'm hitting the pole every night."
                  Sarcastically,
                          Not a stripper